Compassion

I had to deliver a critical assessment to a team member. The facts were clear and performance standards were not met. I invested a significant amount of time to prepare a thorough, objective, evidence-based conversation. I was ready to quickly redirect the conversation away from any emotion or what I deemed irrelevant and back to the facts at hand. The meeting lasted 30 minutes.

I’m not alone in seeking expedience when the path is clear. One of the primary contributors to a new initiative focused on compassion in the financial services industry went so far as to suggest those who don’t agree with him could leave the room. At a recent Mass the pastor said to the congregation that the commitment to his beliefs meant that he truly didn’t care what the congregation thought. The three of us clearly love hyperbole, and feel our work warrants a high degree of righteousness. We have arrived at a well-formed conclusions and are merely executing.

That performance review meeting happened over two decades ago, yet I think about it to this day. What would my impact have been on that wonderful person who was in need of specific coaching had I simply taken the time to acknowledge his feelings of being misunderstood and the weight that had crushed his spirits? How more effective as a leader could I have been had I taken the time to understand where he was coming from so I could offer some more specific development? Could I have uncovered a perspective missing from my analysis? A human soul was struggling in rough seas and I stood on my righteousness to point out his failure as he drowned.

It has taken me a lifetime to understand that being right and being compassionate are not mutually exclusive. In fact, being compassionate almost always helps me navigate difficult situations to better outcomes. I have also learned that compassion is not a single act done under specific circumstances or a switch to flip with certain people or ignore with others, nor is it a tool to be mastered and deployed towards a specific goal. Compassion is a way of thinking and being. Once it emerges it is not turned off, ever. It can’t be.

Challenge yourself to think about the full potential you can unleash within you and in others by being compassionate.

—> Think of a meaningful situation in which you may have been wrong but your feelings and emotions were trivialized, ignored, or steamrolled. What impact did it have on your performance, wellbeing, confidence, and sense of belonging?

—> Then think of a current situation in which you are convinced of an action that must be taken but that may be perceived as having a negative impact on others. How does your behavior evidence you're a compassionate person? Share your detailed thoughts with your Personal Board of Directors and ask them to challenge your thinking.